I saw a video on Facebook once that I thought was a good idea, it is basically questions a daughter could ask her father before he dies, I figured I would put it up on my site here for you.
Question 1 – What is your happiest memory of us?
This one is the easiest question of the lot, without a doubt our Melbourne Footy trip, this was really the first time we had spent more than a few hours together without your mother and obviously our first trip away together, I loved pretty much every minute of it. I was not to concerned with having things to do as just spending time with you was the main reason for the trip. I guess the only negative for me was it ended and on the back of that I realised I had not been a very good father as I should have done this years ago.
Question 2 – What were the first few days of fatherhood like?
To be honest it was pretty easy going, you spent the first 6 weeks in hospital so life was pretty much the same except your mother and I came in to the hospital daily to see you and help feed you. Your first few days at home felt normal too, you slept through the night and really did not cause much issue at all.
Question 3 – What have you learned about love and what has it taught you?
To be honest I have learned that to some people it really is just a word, people become conditioned to using the word and will often say it but they do not mean it or show it. You will hear some people say things like “I love you but I am not in love with you”, I believe anyone who actually says this has never loved anyone, you cannot love someone one day and not the next, I do not believe you can love someone and want to not be with them. I still believe one of the joys of being alive is to have someone in your life that you love, I do believe without love there is little point to life. Life to me is about sharing moments with people you love.
Question 4 – What do you want most for me?
This one is easy, I want you to be happy and to have a better life than me, I do believe most parents want this for their children, I truly hope you can find someone special to spend your life with, I would love it if you found work that you loved so that when you go to work it is not like going to work, it is like being paid to enjoy your day. If you can get those two I do believe life is great.
Question 5 – When was the time you felt most proud of me?
This one is hard to answer, I could name many times, there have been numerous, my earliest time I can recall was when you skipped yourself to victory at Mawson Lakes sports day, the determination on your face stunned me and showed me you could achieve anything if you set your mind to it, sure it is only skipping, but you were not known to be sporty and you smashed it by determination alone, but that would not be the most proud moment, I think of the A’s you got at Xavier, having gone from a FLO program to a school like Xavier and doing so well, but that would not be the most proud, the times you have helped your mother when she was going through tough times was something I was proud of, but that would still not be the number 1 time, one that really sticks in my mind was the day you got your P’s, you left to go do the VORT test and reversed into my car, that would have been enough to throw most people but you proved how strong you are by composing yourself and doing the test and passing, I was close to thinking this was a high one on my list but to be honest, the most proud just does not make sense, I am proud of you all the time, you recently made a relationship decision to work at your relationship, I was very proud of that, you could easily have gone the path shown by your parents, you chose to work at it, you are always caring and supportive, I think I am just proud that you have turned out to be a wonderful person.
Question 6 – Whats the nicest thing I have ever done for you?
This is an easy one, you sat up one night on our trip and talked to me for hours, you listened to me, you supported me, you showed me how much you care about me, nothing will ever come near that.
Question 7 – What is one thing you want me to remember after you are gone?
I guess the obvious one here is for you to know that I love you and you truly are all I have in this world and you mean more to me that life itself, but I really want to say more than that, I want you to remember to have the courage to make tough decisions, do not die wondering like your dad, life is short, try to have the courage to make decisions and if you get them wrong do not hold that against yourself, we all make mistakes, just have the courage to keep making those decisions and trust your heart.
Question 8 – What do you remember most about when I was born?
Oh this is easy, you had some problems during pregnancy, this is why your mother had an emergency c-section as they had to get you out to save you, at this time I made a deal with the almighty, well less of a deal and more of a threat lol… I informed him that if anything happens to you nothing will save him from me lol. Shortly after you came into this world, I had to cut the cord and I clearly remember how weird that felt. I was very concerned as you did not make any noise but I was soon told by nurses it is normal and then they slapped you and that was it, you cried a little and I was relieved, so to was the almighty, he knew he had dodged a bullet that day.
Question 9 – What did you want most of all in life?
This is an easy one for me, I know some people will go on about their dreams, career or sport or something, all I ever wanted was a family of my own. A wife who loved me and wanted to be with me and my own kids, I never cared that much about hopes and dreams or friends and socializing, I simply wanted a loving wife and a happy family. I guess I got half huh.
Question 10 – If you could change one thing in your life relating to me what would you change?
I would not change a lot, I do believe that you make decisions and you learn from them, you are learning every day, the only thing I might change I guess is I would have spent more time focused on you instead of trying to keep my relationship with your mother, I still believe your mother stopped caring and loving me years ago and I spent many years trying to be with her when I should have spent more time being with you.
Question 11 – When you think about me what images come to mind?
I can put some of these below, in many ways I always see you as my little girl…the sadest times of my life have come from not being able to see you every day, these days it is so hard.
Question 12 – Do you have any regrets relating to me?
All I have is regrets, I will not list them all, I have come to the conclussion that I have not been a good father and could have done a lot better and now that I have sort of lost my family I now understand my mistakes. I think part of my mistake was this, your mother started to move away from me and closer to you, this happened around the Greenwith timeline, as you got older she became more and more a friend to you and less a partner to me, this to me meant I was kind of lonely, my response to this was to try harder with her and in some ways less with you, the word I have here is not right, but “resentment” is close, I would not say I resented you, but it was difficult for me because I had a vision of man and wife raising a family, your mother had a vision of mother and daughter kind of like how she was raised, this meant I was less important, I certainly did not feel loved by your mother from around the end of Greenwith until our break up and as said, instead of putting my energy into you I kind of felt left out and resented how things had gone. I do wonder, if you mother had put effort into me would that have meant I would have been more happy and had more effort to put into you?
Question 13 – Do you have any regrets about your life that do not relate to me?
Again I cannot list there here, there is not enough time, needless to say my life seems to have turned out the exact opposite of what I wanted. I do understand I made mistakes but I do not believe I deserved what I have been handed, if you read all of this site including the relationship stuff I do not see how I am such a bad person.
Question 14 – What are the 5 best memories you have from your life?
1. I was in year 7 at primary school and on sports day was in the 100m sprint, my mum and dad were sitting on a hill with other parents watching, I won by a mile, my dad said nothing but I knew he was proud of me and I felt good winning in front of him.
2. I spent a few days during school holidays at my grand parents house, I think I was 14 at the time, my grand father at this stage was already suffering from dimensia and I spent most of my time with him and my grand mother who always went out of her way to look after me because she knew I was the middle child and I was often neglected, Jody was the only girl in the family with cousins being boys, Brad was the youngest and was spoilt, Grandma simply made up for all the others, I once did work experience in the same area she lived and I would hop the fence of this furniture making business and run to her house for lunch, I really miss her, she knew how to make me feel better. She would have loved you, she was very creative and arty, she did a lot of plate decorating and painting.
3. I think our times in the pool at Greenwith, I used to really enjoy that, I hated that we had to move from there. Sure you did not swim that well but you could swim underwater and as the pool was not deep you enjoyed your self in the pool, your mother did not always want to get in but I tried to go in with you every time you asked.
4. One of my best memories is when we lived in Salisbury, your mother plays this one down as I do not think she liked the truth, she had such anxiety that you would pick up on it and you would not go to sleep for her, there was a period there for a few months that we got you to sleep by me going to my bed and laying down, your mum would put you in my arms and I would lay there until you fell asleep and then we would put you in your cot, this was one of my favorite things to do, I did not let on to your mother beause she seemed to be annoyed that this worked.
5. My single best memory, our weekend in Melbourne, nothing beats it, you spent the entire weekend with me and I really enjoyed being with you just the two of us, id sell a kidney to do it again without hesitation.
Question 15 – Do you believe your life was good?
No, I truly believe my life has been a punishment, when you consider what I wanted in life, a loving wife and a family, what did I get, I got Julia who did not love me she just needed me to provide for her, I had a daughter who dumped me as she had no interest in me other than what she could get from me, so I had a family and that did not work out, lost a daughter, I then started again and you know how this one worked out, so to my thinking I keep losing my family and partner so I am just left wondering how much of a bad person must I be for this to be my life, I am simply sad all the time now and I do not understand what I did wrong, I worked hard, provided for my family, I never physically hurt anyone unlike many other males, I protected my family, if someone wanted something they usually got it, all I ever wanted was a happy family, but that is not what I got. I know it is not totally accurate but in many ways I do feel that I have lost two families. Yes I still see you, but our family is finished as you know, so it is not the same and as such it feels like I have lost two families. Really at some point either I or your mother will meet someone and that will be the final nail in the family coffin which is really sad for me.
Well that is the questions, my answers are likely not very good but I do believe they are honest..